Monday, August 25, 2008

The Playboy Mansion

Hey y'all,

This is Tapan Trivedi - the Hindu writing. I did a show at the altar of the Atheist's place of worship - namely the Playboy Mansion, The House that Hugh Heffner built.

It was a surreal experience to say the least and I saw more skin than Buffalo Bill on a good hunting day. After a couple of mishaps regarding where to be picked up we i.e. Brad Williams from Mind of Mencia, his friend Tia and myself reached the Playboy Mansion.

As soon as we got in we were amazed by the sheer size of it. This thing is HUGE. Almost immediately we are escorted onto the Red Carpet where I am thrust into a line of microphones and cameras. I gave about 30 interviews in as many minutes. Dennis Hof from the bunny ranch was ahead of me and he says 'Hey funny guy - hang with us it will be good." and I did ! (If you don't know who Dennis Hof is go back to the rock and crawl under it or check this out My first red carpet was a blur for me. It was work and I am not even on stage yet. But it was fun messing with the reporters and trying to yell out the names of the TV/Radio/Internet media they represented. Everyone from CBS Radio and CBS Mobile to Santa Barbara Arts to Ed Magik TV were there. I plug the Showtime thing (Comics without Borders on Oct 2nd ) and Coexist Comedy ( ).

Then its time to go partayyy! Or so it seems . I am surrounded by Daniel's 'Knockout's' . Stunning girls who are paid to wear skimpy costumes and entertain the guests. An open bar welcomes us ! There is a fantastic view of the grotto and the mansion is breathtaking from the bar and I let it sink in; I am at the Playboy Mansion. This is the bastion of the American culture. This is what the terrorists hate about us. The fact that the 'sinner' lifestyle can be made into a mutlimillion dollar business.

I go down and check out the zoo. Take a couple of pictures with the exotic birds there. Girls in 'ho'stumes surround me wherever I go. I run into a couple of people I know from the Bay. They have seen me at the SJ Improv and they tell me they look forward to seeing my show. I get invited to get into the grotto which I decline as I still have work to do.

I go on a short tour of the mansion and at the end of it Ms.July 2007 says ' I will take you inside as a special favor !'. I see that the fashion show has already started and that we may be asked to go up at any time. I go back stage and Daniel Puder tells me ' Do Two quick jokes and then wait !'. I did two of my best jokes and get down on an applause break. LOVED THAT. Seems anticlimactic but you do what you are asked by the host.

I get down and I walk up to Ms.July 2007 and she asks me to follow her . Me and one more pretty girl walk behind her. She opens a door and we are in the mansion. A security guard looks at us with the disregard. There is ANOTHER party going on in there . I am told that at any given evening there are two to five parties going on at the mansion. This one is indoors and has a dance floor. I kick it for a song and I turn to go to the bar and a door opens and in comes the MAN. Hugh Heffner is a presence. Surrounded by five jaw dropping gals he walks in completely defiant of his age. I forget my order and I just watch him as he does 'his thing' and puts people at ease . A touch of the elbow, a gentle nod, the old yet wolfish smile - everything tells me that he is still the quintessential playboy that he always was.

He walks towards me and points to my drink - a plastic up filled with Miller lite (as most Coexist followers know I am a lightweight) and says ' Are you gonna drink that ?' I pick up and chug it all in. He smiles and says' Give this man another one'. He puts his elbows on the bar and asks me where I am from. I tell him and he asks the usual how long have you been here etc. Then I tell him I am a comic and that I am working the week with Paul Mooney . "Paul Mooney says Hi" I tell him. His demeanor changes instantly and a genuine smile replaces the 'working' smile that he had one before. He ponders for a while . Too long. Long enough for me to think he may be having a senior moment. He says 'Tell him Hugh said Hi !' Then he pats my back and says 'Enjoy yourself !' and walks off to another guest.

There that was my playboy mansion story ! I could write about the crazy things at the grotto but I won't. Ask me after a show - I will be more than happy to share them.
Tapan Trivedi


KLJ said...

Oh man.
The Playboy Mansion. Crazy.
I love the picture of you with the two Bunnies. You can see the cartoon pic of Sammy peeking out of your shirt, checking out the ladies. Ha ha.

Tissa said...

I'm surprised you don't have 4 black eyes.